Does It Look Like Food To You

I was sleeping with my headphones on. The cat was nibbling. On my Sennheiser. Damn.

Excerpt From A Conversation

Woman: We are not a couple. We are not even friends. So what are we?
Man: We are a man and a woman looking to have 'fun' together. No strings attached.
Woman: Right. I forgot.

Alfian Of Toh Guan

We have unfinished business.

Pin Point Accuracy

Humans are so predictable nowadays. Give me five minutes to observe the man across the street and i can tell you what he is going to do for the next fifteen minutes.

When The Going Gets Tough The Tough Gets Going

Let me tell you something. It is not easy growing up when your dad left you when you were young. He could not be there for meet-the-parents sessions in school anymore. Your pillar of strength. The captain of the family and source of income gone. Life was hard growing up as a kid in a harsh environment. Financial was always the issue. There were not enough bread and butter on the table. You starved in silence. You were on your own learning to be independent at such a tender age. The neighbourhood you grew up in reeked bad people. You know how it was like back then. You mixed with the wrong company and ended up doing really stupid things. You were a bright son but never really had the chance to shine. Every tattoo on your body tells a story. The scars and wounds from the past haunts you. Black history was written all over you. You never really had a sense of belonging at home. The outlanders whom you called brothers were the only family you really had. They had your back when mummy chased you out of the only shelter you seeked warmth and comfort from. Your flesh and blood was too ashamed to face you. You felt like crying but you cannot. You held back your tears because crying was for the weak. You were trained to be fierce and ruthless. There were piles of criminal records with your name stamped on every single file. They finally put you in a home. You were uncontrollable by far. Your rage and temper were inapprehensible. It was nasty. You had to go for anger management countless times. Life behind bars was not easy either. It was an eye-opener and a learning process with trades and lessons for survival you can never find out there. You build up your muscles and confronted your fears face on. You had to defend yourself from the drug addicts and big time gangsters. You learnt how to fight like a man. But you were only still a boy. You grew up and turned out fine now. Strong and brave but still unfulfilled and empty inside. You accomplished so much more then any other typical peeps your age. You look the part. The boy-next-door playing dumb and innocent but quietly and humbly deep down inside you had suffered and seen life from a totally whole new different perspective. The way not many pampered children had the privilege of experiencing. So when you feel miserable and you think that your life sucks... i say think again.

Mess With The Best Die Like The Rest

You are no competition to me. I will beat you hands down.

Life Is Short Play Hard

City Hall was tight man. The security made travelling inconvenient. There were barricades and guards everywhere. Them and i do not go well together and we exchanged stares. We had to make a detour to Millenia Walk from Raffles Place just to get to Suntec City Mall. I was already starting to perspire. Wearing my Adidas jacket was a bad idea. It was drizzling when i left home in the afternoon. The weather these days had not been promising. The wet spells are here again and i am already missing the beach. I gave my training a miss today but i will make it up tomorrow. I dropped by Heeren before making my way to the International Monetary Fund. Not as a delegate but a shopper. Each time i go out i will spend excessively. For instance hundreds of dollars were burned on a single trip to town. I really need to watch my budget. Perhaps bank president Paul Wolfowitz of the IMF can teach me how. I went to see Gerard but he was not around so i spoke to Yong instead. I made a date with him to get another tattoo done. He said he will touch up on my other tattoos as well. Swell man.

Life Is Beautiful

I have nothing much to update these days. I am relishing every single hour of my holiday. Away from school. Away from certain people. Life can never be better. I am a happy man now. You can catch me smiling or even laughing. I look better that way! Come nearer and you will hear me hum my favourite tunes. I love my brothers and my family. I am not so strict or stringent anymore. I loosen up big time and i will harm no one. I know some of you out there were worried. Not even a fly this time. I am filled with happiness. Peace is the way to go. I am enjoying myself and i will not allow myself to fall. I am much fitter and stronger now. I started my workout regimes and trainings again. I can see my abdominal muscles growing again. I like! Now that i am having all the time in the world i am continuing my riding practicals. I am so happy i decided to get a pet this week. I want to learn the art of commitment i will start with an animal. I had always been afraid and insecure about commitments. But i got to learn. Time to get married soon.

MSPHNG

Wendy i want to webcam with you again. You look so cute when you wake up in the morning. Hahahaaa...

My Son

I will name him Raphael. I hope it is a muslim name.

Announcement

Eizhar wore white thongs to the beach. Firdarus too wore thongs. Eizhar has a pair of cute white ass. Muahahaaa... Once again big hugs to brother loves. Shahren survived yet another day.

Bulletin

Steady man! Salute to Ashiq for being commissioned Second Leftenan at SAFTI last Saturday. Farhan is in Indonesia and Khairul is leaving for Kuala Lumpur soon. I want to go somewhere too! Ouch my leg hurts. I sprained my right ankle during training this afternoon. Had to retreat home early. The paper today was relatively easy for someone who barely studies. School sucks. Holiday is here. Yippieee! Time to highlight hair to... Blue? Blonde? This house brings pain. Once i stepped foot in my room i felt blue although my walls are grey. No good. Bad energy. Not healthy for me.

Hangover

Clubbing was FUN!

There Are Others Who Care When You Do Not

You were right. I should go out and enjoy myself. Afterall it was Friday night. Rather then just sitting at home and soaking myself in extreme misery again. "Life is too short to be miserable!" That was what you texted me. So i pulled myself together and went out late last night. Destination East Coast Park. Not to enjoy myself but to release some steam. The sea never fails to calm me down. I felt slightly better. I needed to breathe some fresh air. The more i stayed at home the more depressed and tormented i became. I cannot be left alone imprisoned by these four walls so i left and travelled all the way to the east. A shoutout to my awesome friends who were always there for me every step of the way. Brothers for life. We planned to go Tanjong Beach this morning but i decided to cancel it. I could not wake up. My bad. Maybe next week. Lots of love, Shahren.

I See Red

At first there was love and then we became mutual. How can i ever be contented. Soon i am telling you hate will rise and overcome the love. That always happens. I know my capabilities. And when love becomes hate the bull will get very angry. When the bull is awaken and provoked nobody will like it. I am suffering and it hurts. It is painful it is pissing me so much. Now i feel like going on a rampage. Oh you know my mood and temper. Gets uncontrollable when unstable. Just like the bull. Right now i am more then just unstable. I am unstoppable. Stop me before i lost it. Come back to me. You know who you are.

Seriously Love Sucks

I just lost the second most important person in my life. It was all my fault. Silly me what was i thinking. Initiating the degrading in status between us was probably the brainless most stupid thing to do. I thought i could do it damn i was so wrong. So what if we kept on fighting. Go ask everyone. It is normal in all sorts of relationships. We cannot deny and run away from fights. In fact it makes us closer. Embrace diversity man. We actually gave up on one another. Now i am regretting every bit of it like hell. I am a loser with a capital 'L'. I had failed myself.

A handsome young man studying in some Polytechnic jumped from the sixth floor and committed suicide in the east last Thursday. He fought with his beloved and the girl demanded a separation. I was devastated last night and somewhat felt empty. Blasphemous thoughts clouded my mind. I just wanted to end it all. I have other problems too by the way. And so i shut eyes and went to sleep only to wake up this morning feeling terrible. I wanted to call the person up and make amends. Sheesh i do not want to lose you man. Only you can help me.

Love exists in many shapes and sizes. It can appear in the form of your spouse, brothers and family or even among friends. In all areas i stink at it. I am the worst person to preach about this issue so i shall not go on. So as i was saying love sucks. Period. No doubt about it. I hate it so much. It makes me weak. Time and again i kept on falling in and out of love. I picked myself up and tumbled again. I am so sick of it. It ruins my miserable life. I want to run away from it but it keeps on chasing me. Shooo! Go away. Do not come near me anymore.

PS: In the words of Jurianah LOVE IS CRUEL!

The Only Thing That Can Bring Me Down

I know i had not been myself recently. Most of you recognised me as the elusive one. The rough and tough brother watching over my friends. Stable and secure were the words you used to describe me and i was imperceptibly emotional or sensitive. Well i guess i had proven you guys erroneous. You witnessed with your own eyes how weak i was. I am afterall human with a heart and soul. I am not so hardcore as you perceived. Please do not be alarmed. I may talked trash most of the time and showed no feelings or sentiments but that was only because i was trying to hide my true self from the world. It is a cruel place out there where only the strong survive. Deep down inside i am fragile and vulnerable. I constructed this impenetrable wall surrounding me to protect myself from getting hurt. I am sorry if my previous entries spoke too much grief and pain. I took some of you by shock but sadness and sorrow are now inevitable in my life. Evidently by far only Love can break this man of a me apart piece by piece.

Twenty Pages Per Minute

Yesterday I travelled to the east for COMEX 2006. The EXPO Hall was packed like the contents in a can of sardines only things human and gadgets. The organisers opened up three halls and the fair was huge with many exhibits and gizmos. Anything electronic and state of the art can be found there. A geek paradise if i may say. I wanted to buy ink cartridges for my printer but ended up buying a whole new printer altogether. Now i do not know what to do with my old Hewlett-Packard. Beep me if you need the machine. At night we dropped by East Coast Park before turning in at my bestfriend's crib. I only had a few hours of sleep and now i just got back home.

Condolence

Isa Bin Abdul Halim (1987 - 2006)

The Child In You And Me

It was pouring August thirtieth as i strolled back home from school in the evening. I was drenched but that did not deterred me from reaching my destination. In fact i was walking slowly and relishing the rain pitter-pattering on my body. I was enjoying the songs on my I-Pod Nano and was fearless to the magnetic attraction it drew from the flashing lightning. I was wandering down memory lane and i was appreciating every single second of it. Perhaps i was feeling a little sentimental. Long gone were the days my friends and i played in the rain laughing away and splashing water at one another. When was the last time any of you did that? Afraid of getting sick i supposed or wondering how ugly that make-up would smear and how you would stink when wet. Most of us would dash and take shelter. I feel old now. Everyone is growing up too fast. We hardly stop to pick up and smell the roses anymore. I miss the little pleasures of life. It was so much simpler back then. I used to play marbles and catch tadpoles. I want to be young again and be foolish. Ignorant is bliss. I had so much fun and i miss my childhood friends. I have no idea where they are now but i wish them the best. They would probably be busy caught up in the rat race climbing corporate ladders and making money.

Grab Some Grub

I started my day early these days. Today i woke up before nine. That was an accomplishment. And then the drilling began. Gosh it is freaking noisy around here. Makes me want to hang out someplace else. So i had dosai for breakfast. I try not to eat too much. I am gaining weight. Our brain takes ten minutes to process our food and relay the information to our body and we need to chew like twenty times before our body is able to fully digest our inputs. We would still be munching in delight although our system had enough ten minutes ago. Most of the time we overeat then necessary.