I Regretted Calling

I just got home. Tired but restless. Then it began to pour. It was torrential outside. But i felt good. I love the rain pattering just outside along the corridor. I slipped open the windows to allow the chilly breeze seep into my domain. The cold wind brushed onto my face and filled my room with gusto. Something about the smell of the rain that enticed me to get out there and just stand under those drops to appreciate nature and life. The storm will come to pass and the dark clouds will clear making way for a bright sun shiny day on Tuesday. Yes i am hopeful. I should not be gloomy like the weather on a Monday night. But i guess the bad vibes yesterday was aplenty.

I could not fall asleep. Been having late nights or no slumber at all since my birthday eve and the days leading to it. But that is fine. I am on my holidays. So i fished out my Ipod Nano and stuffed my $160 Sennheiser earphones into my ears. Listening to certain music and songs serenading with such rhythm and melody puts me in an emotional mood. I hated it. I told myself to be strong and held myself together. That is when i started scavenging for my cigarettes. Lighted it up and puffed my life away thinking about everything and nothing. Just like the smoke that dissipated into thin air how great it would be if my problems would just disappear the same way.

I could not hold on no more. I cannot stand it. It got over me. I did not want to and hard as hell i held myself back from dialing your number. But it seemed that last night got the better of me. I am sorry. Less much thoughts and unable to restrain myself i gave you a buzz. In a matter of rings your voice was heard on the other line. I know i should not have called. You were not glad to hear me but that is fine. I did not expected much. You brushed me aside for that game. But a conversation that lasted four hours soon followed. I intended to limit the chat to 10 minutes probably 15 max because i fully understand that we will fight for anything longer. I was right.